The main reason I have been absent from blogging over the last few months is due to my father-in-law. He has been a chronic alcoholic for over 30 years and last autumn we thought it had got the better of him.
He was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. A terrible and dangerous illness for most people let alone a man in his 60's who is an alcoholic and has been smoking since he was 9 years old (yes, shocking isn't it).
It was touch and go for about 6 weeks. My husband, the eldest of three children, went to the hospital everyday, because although his father has put him through hell for most of his life, he is his dad and he loves him. We would get phone calls from the hospital saying, "you need to come to the hospital, he isn't going to make it through the night", only for my husband to get there and miraculously he had pulled through. Then he needed an urgent operation to his bowels and was not expected to make it through the operation, he did. He made it through 3 months of induced comas, operations and every antibiotic ever manufactured. He was a broken man and it was devastating to see him, he literally became a frail old man overnight.
He had also seemed to change. Gone was this beaten man that loved nothing more than to drink and not care about anyone and in its place was this man who was almost childlike innocent, as if he knew he had been given a second chance, and we really hoped that he had.
During this time, my husband seemed to take on all the emotional responsibility, which was painful for me to witness.
During this time we also had to deal with our younger son needing to go to hospital. Thankfully he is OK but I hated that my darling husband had to take on so much on his shoulders.
Well fast forward a few months and it seems that my father-in-law has decided he doesn't need a second chance. He is back drinking and hurting his children all over again. I really don't know how to feel about him. One minute I feel so sorry for him, because I don't believe people choose to be alcoholics, I really think that its a horrific illness. Then the next I want to tell him how I feel, how disgusted I am that he can hurt my husband the way he does and then just laugh about it, how he treats his grandchildren, how he treated my husbands mum and just scream at him to stop being such a selfish bastard because the world does not revolve around him. And then sometimes I think it would be better if he wasn't here, so that my husband and his siblings could get some sort of closure and move on with their lives, and then I feel incredibly guilty for thinking that.
Everyone who is anyone has an opinion about alcoholism, but really, I wonder how closely we look at ourselves. An alcoholic isn't just a vodka swilling tramp, it could be the smart middle class lady who gets through a bottle or two of wine (or more) every single day. Or the young professional who has several drinks too many most days. You see, as with most things, they come in all shapes and sizes. I wonder how many of us would be shocked if we saved up the empty bottles of our monthly intake of alcohol.
One positive thing that has come out of this whole sorry mess is my love for the man I married. He truly is an inspiration as a husband and as a daddy. Seeing him with our sons just melts my heart. How he is so sane after everything he has gone through is a miracle. He really is one beautiful man and I am so very lucky to be his wife.
